you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
