Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
