Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
