You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the day after is always just damage control
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
