I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
