Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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