Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
