you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
