BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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