I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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