Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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