Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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