My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
