We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
