I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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