y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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