I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
