Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
