tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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