there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
