I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
