Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
