babies were throwing up all over the place
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
