This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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