she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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