two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
