I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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