Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
