why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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