Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
