I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
