I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
