I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
