i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
