The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
