Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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