When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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