Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
