So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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