so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
