Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
