What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
