Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
