wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
