I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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