So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize