If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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