Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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