i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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