Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
