I showed him my bush... on skype.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
