yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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